At the End of the Tunnel...

There is light at the end of the tunnel. In January when I heard the word “cancer” I couldn’t even imagine this light being there, but now, I’m so close that I can feel its warmth!

As many of you know I finished my last chemo session on 6/25. If you recall from my previous post, I had genetic testing done and I had so many questions about my future. The results came back. I am positive for the BRCA1 mutation. The results also came back indeterminant for BRCA2 and a smaller gene called rad15. Unfortunately, we are not sure what the significance of the indeterminant genes are, but the BRCA1 result sheds light on everything. It explains why I got cancer at such a young age. It explains why so many women on my mom’s side of the family suffered with cancer. But most importantly, it makes my future crystal clear. Having this gene mutation means I have a high chance of breast cancer recurrence, so the decision was easy. I decided to get a double mastectomy as opposed to just a lumpectomy (which I already did in January) and radiation. I will also eventually get my ovaries out because having the BRCA1 gene mutation also increases the risk of ovarian cancer. My first thoughts when I got my genetic results were, “I just need to take EVERYTHING out!” I don’t want to go through this cancer thing again. I need to be around for much longer. I want to be here to see Landon start school, graduate from high school, get married, maybe start a family of his own. I still have so much I want to do. So the answer was clear. I will do everything I can to stick around.

On my 36th birthday I had my double mastectomy. It was a brutal surgery. Don’t get me wrong, everything went great. My breast surgeon said she is confident she got all the breast tissue out so I don’t have to worry about breast cancer recurrence ever again! But it took me a while to recover from the pain. The incisions were quite large on both sides under my breasts. There was a lot of swelling and bruising. For about 10 days I had a terrible pain every time I stood up or walked so I couldn’t do much besides lie in bed. I’m 3 weeks out from my surgery today and I’m finally feeling better. I still have discomfort and limited arm motion but I am no longer in pain! I can finally say, that I am starting to feel myself again and life is approaching normalcy.

I no longer feel short of breath or fatigued with just walking or going up the stairs. 3 days ago I started to use minty toothpaste again.  During chemo my oral mucosa was so sensitive that I couldn’t use minty toothpaste without it being super painful. I can taste everything again! Chemo had blunted my ability to taste certain flavors but that’s no longer an issue. Last week I noticed my eyebrows and eyelashes were growing back. I had lost most of my eyelashes from chemo… let me tell you… you really don’t realize how functional your eyelashes are until you lose them! I had so much eye irritation and itching from stuff getting in my eyes when I lost my lashes. But now, they are growing back and my eyes feel great! New hairs on my scalp are also showing up which is very exciting for me! Despite doing cold cap therapy, I still lost about half of my hair volume. A few days ago I noticed a small grey hair on my head! Mind you, I almost never get grey hairs! I have probably had a total of like 5 grey hairs in my whole life! Usually I pull them out but this time, I couldn’t do it. At this point, any hair on my head is good, even grey hair! Unfortunately, hair in undesirable places are also starting to grow back… For a second, I thought, any hair growth is a good sign! But then vanity quickly took over and I shaved my legs last night for the first time in months. A couple of weeks ago I put in my work schedule requests… I plan on going back to work in the fall! I am so ready to retire as a patient and be a doctor again!

Yes, all of this means I am almost out on the other side of the tunnel. But this doesn’t mean my cancer journey is over. I will still be getting Herceptin infusions every 3 weeks until March of 2020. I still have to get my ovaries surgically removed. I still have a lot to think about when I’m ready to have another child. I have to get my embryos tested for the BRCA gene mutation. I will always be thinking about the chances of recurrence somewhere in my body. I will have to change my lifestyle to be healthier. It turns out that getting cancer once changes you, and the journey really never ends. But for now, I’m past the dark, hard, painful part of it all, and I get to walk in the brighter part of this journey.